LEADERSHIP…BRINGING OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS….

Posted on May 20, 2013 by TTT

BEHA’ALOTECHA

Being a good leader at work and at home is a difficult task.  But being a good leader does not mean necessarily that we are in control.  It may mean being the one who promotes the strengths of others.  The problem is that often, when we see the strengths of others, we are threatened. Somehow, we think, their strengths mean the diminishment of our own.  It’s either “they have the power” or “I have the power.” Sharing leadership is a real challenge for anyone.

In our Torah portion this week it is reported to Moses that two men are prophesying in the camp. Instead of being threatened, Moses welcomes them.  He says “Would that all the Lord’s people were prophets!”  Moses, supreme prophet and leader that he is, recognizes that sharing power is the best kind of leadership.  A leader should encourage and facilitate leadership in others.

Teaching this kind of leadership to children is difficult.  There are always battles for control between parents and children.  However, a good model of parenting is one in which parents see their children as partners in the enterprise of raising a family.  As the child grows, he or she can take on more and more of the leadership in the home.  In this way the child learns that the best kind of leaders are those that promote leadership in others.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about Moses as a model of a good leader.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • What qualities make the best kind of leader?
  • When and how do you act like a leader?
  • Is it harder to be a leader or a follower?

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

© 2009, 2010 Joyce and Fred Claar

To view online go to www.torahtopicstoday.com

Categories: Leadership | Leave a comment

STUDY FOR ITS OWN SAKE….

Posted on May 13, 2013 by TTT

TORAH PORTION: SHAVUOT

Parents naturally want their children to do well in school.  We are concerned when they, for one reason or another, are not flourishing in school, and this gives us anxiety regarding their futures.  We do all we can to address whatever problems or obstacles seem to be in their way.  There are times when children feel a great deal of pressure from parents and teachers to do well in school and often this pressure can be counterproductive.

The Jewish holiday of Shavuot sheds a different light on the meaning of study.  This holiday, marking the receiving of the Torah by Moses on Mount Sinai, is commemorated by all-night study.  While children don’t often stay up all night, they can also participate by staying up past their usual bedtimes to study Jewish topics or Torah.  This holiday highlights the Jewish value of learning for its own sake– not for grades, not for some future career, not to make one’s parents happy, but for the simple pleasure of learning.

Introducing children to reading, studying, thinking and debating for its own sake can lead to a lifelong habit of learning simply for the joy of it.  This would mean truly giving your child the gift of learning.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about the value of learning for its own sake, without reward or grades.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • What do you like to learn in school?  What about it interests you?
  • What do you like to learn out of school?  What about it interests you?

 

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

© 2009, 2010 Joyce and Fred Claar

To view online go to www.torahtopicstoday.com

Categories: Holidays, Teaching Moments | Leave a comment

WHEN THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER VISITS….

Posted on May 13, 2013 by TTT

NASO

Jealousy is a powerful force.  Adults and children are both vulnerable to this feeling, but children are especially prone to being jealous of their friends: “He has the more expensive sneakers”, “She has straight hair”, “He’s taller than I am”, “She’s a faster runner”.  The litany continues ad infinitum.

In this week’s Torah portion a husband is jealous about his wife’s suspected infidelity.  The Torah goes to great lengths to set out an elaborate procedure aimed at allaying his jealousy.   In this way the Torah acknowledges what a destructive force jealousy can be.

To address this in our children, we must first become models for them.  Try to refrain from comparing oneself to one’s friends and neighbors.  Ask yourself: do we live within our means or are we trying to keep up with our neighbors?  In this very competitive society that we live in, people not only compare themselves with others, but they often compare their children’s accomplishments to those of their friends’ children.  No wonder that our children compare themselves to others!  If we ourselves refrain from engaging in this comparison game, when our children compare themselves to others, we can encourage them to focus on what they are and have, rather than what others are and have.  Rabbinic wisdom declares “Who is rich?  One who is happy with what he has.”

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about the feelings of jealousy and comparing themselves to others.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • What makes you jealous?
  • What do you think might help you to be less so?
  • Has jealousy ever prompted you to say or do something that you regret?
  • Have you ever tried to provoke jealousy in others?

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

© 2009, 2010 Joyce and Fred Claar

To view online go to www.torahtopicstoday.com

Categories: Jealousy | Leave a comment

BOOOOORING….

Posted on May 6, 2013 by TTT

BAMIDBAR

Kids hate whatever they think is boring.  However, as it turns out, much of what’s important in life is not fun-filled and exciting.  While much of a child’s school day can be interesting (one hopes!), memorizing facts is simply rote.  While family life can be fun, chores around the home are not.  There are plenty of highs and lows in life, but most of life falls right in between.

The Torah parsha this week, Bamidbar, begins the tale of the Israelites wandering through the wilderness.  They have already been through the excitement of escaping from Egypt and receiving the Torah at Sinai.  Now, they are simply traipsing through the desert, as they will be for the next forty years.  But the Israelite journey through the desert is more than just wandering.  It is a time for testing limits, for growth and renewal.  It is a time for consolidating their identity as a nation and their relationship with God.

It’s important to teach kids to appreciate the “boring” moments of life.  In working through the boredom there is much to learn: patience and fortitude, to name two important character traits.  When they complain of being bored, we, as parents, should be wary of solving their “boredom” for them.  Instead, let them work out for themselves the “problem” of boredom.  In this way they can learn to tolerate boredom, or at least work through it by themselves and see their way to what’s valuable in the less exciting moments of life.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about the wandering of the Israelites through the wilderness on their way to the promised land, and what this journey might signify for their lives today.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • · What do you find boring?
  • · What do you do when you are bored?  Does whining or complaining help?
  • · Why might it be important to be bored sometimes?

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

© 2009, 2010 Joyce and Fred Claar

To view online go to:  www.torahtopicstoday.com

Categories: Communication, Patience, Problem Solving | Leave a comment

SHARING THE WEALTH….

Posted on April 29, 2013 by TTT

BECHUKOTAI

Most Americans have warm homes and enough to eat.  Their children have many toys to play with.  And yet, there are many people here in America and around the world who don’t have enough.  Some of those people we pass on the street each day.  Others are living in the margins in substandard housing or shelters.  Children notice the discrepancies between those who have enough and those who don’t and try to make sense of it.  Early on in their lives children can learn what it means to try to help those who don’t have enough.

In this week’s Torah portion we learn about tithing.  Tithing is a sensible way to give to those who don’t have enough.  It means that you give a tenth of whatever you have to others who are needy.  Another manner of giving described is leaving the corners of one’s field un-harvested, so that the poor can come and glean with dignity.  While the Torah mandates giving, it mandates an amount that is reasonable to give away– one that leaves us with more than enough– so that we are more likely to fulfill the command of giving to the needy.

Children can learn early what it means to give. They can share toys and clothes they no longer wear.  They can sell lemonade outside or have bake sales and give part of the proceeds to charity.  Children can also give by volunteering their time in a soup kitchen or helping kids younger than themselves in a shelter or a literacy program.  It’s important to develop a life-long habit of giving.  Early on, children can learn a deep sense of responsibility to others, especially when one has more than required to live.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about giving charity and why it’s important.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • What do you think our responsibilities are to those who have less than we do?
  • How can you give?  Which of your things could you share?
  • How does it make you feel when you help out someone else?

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

© 2009, 2010 Joyce and Fred Claar

To view online go to:  www.torahtopicstoday.com

Categories: Compassion, Responsibility, Sharing | Leave a comment

MANAGING OUR ANGER….

Posted on April 22, 2013 by TTT

TORAH PORTION: EMOR

Everyone gets angry at one time or another.  But the difference between purposeful,  productive anger and destructive anger is vast.  Appropriate anger can be used to make a point passionately, but in measured terms.  However, when we are out of control, anger can be counterproductive, making us incapable of communicating effectively.  Furthermore, it can hurt those around us and be especially hurtful and frightening to children.

In our Torah portion this week there is a story of two men fighting with one another.  One is so angry that he curses the other, using God’s name in vain.  The Torah makes clear that cursing, even when one does so in the course of anger, is not permissible.  Anger doesn’t excuse destructive behavior.

We might commit many destructive acts when we are angry.  We might throw things, slam doors, or curse.  However, when possible, controlling anger in a measured and purposeful way is the best way to model good communication. The best way to control anger is to think about what the point of the anger is before acting.   We can then make a conscious decision concerning whether getting angry is the best course of action for the situation at hand.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about the destructive things people sometimes do when they get angry.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • What makes you angry?
  • What do you do when you get angry?
  • How do you feel when someone else gets angry?
  • What are the best ways to manage your anger?
  • Have you ever accomplished anything lasting in anger?

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

© 2009, 2010 Joyce and Fred Claar

To view online go to:  www.torahtopicstoday.com

Categories: Anger, Communication, Fighting | Leave a comment

SCAPEGOATING…

Posted on April 16, 2013 by TTT

TORAH PORTION: ACHARAY MOT-KEDOSHIM

Blaming one another is a tempting human tendency.  How much easier it is to place responsibility on another’s shoulders than to accept responsibility for our actions!  We like to shift the weight of our own flaws and misdeeds on to another, especially when we have not lived up to our own or others’ expectations.  Children often engage in blaming when confronted with an action unacceptable to a parent or teacher, saying things like “He started it!” or “It was her fault!”.

Our Torah portion this week deals with the original scapegoat. The high priest confesses the sins of Israel while placing his hands on a goat that was then sent out into the desert as part of the larger atonement process.  Sending a goat into the desert is a far better option than a group of people turning a human being into an outcast by blaming him or her for our own flaws.

This Torah portion serves as an important directive.  The goat lightens the load of Israel’s sins in an overall process of forgiveness.  While we are to take responsibility for our own actions, there has to be room for a lightening of the load of our errors through forgiveness.  As parents we have to be ready to confront our children.  At the same time we shouldn’t overwhelm them with the force of our confrontations.  A light touch and a readiness to forgive might be just the right approach to encourage children to take responsibility for their own actions.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS about the concept of a scapegoat–when a group shifts all of their blame on one person.

CONNECT TO THEIR LIVES:

  • · Do you ever blame others for your own mistakes?
  • · Do others ever blame you for their mistakes?
  • · In what kind of situations do we blame others?
  • · What makes owning up to our own faults and flaws so difficult?
  • · How has scapegoating hurt people and societies?

By Rabbi Dianne Cohler-Esses

© 2009, 2010 Joyce and Fred Claar

To view online go to:  www.torahtopicstoday.com

Categories: Communication, Responsibility | Leave a comment